Amidst The Darkness
by HanaritsuKrizza
Summary: 'Amidst the darkness, light could still come out,' Arthur realized as he witnessed how Lovino and Alfred, two people who were consumed by their own madness, found solace in each other's presence. [AU]


_I do not own Hetalia._

Warning: Mentions of abuse, drugs, self-harm and a couple of violence ahead. Please read at your own risks.

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 _"Their locked hands offered a stark reminder of how many scars lingered … shards of war and distressing anguish forever branded them. Yet in this endearing moment of comfort, their adversity became skinspeak between survivors phoenixing from the ashes of their perilous journey—their burning eagerness for survival overcoming the forces that once tried to stifle their light."_

 _― Becca Vry, Musings: An Argyle Empire Anthology_

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 **...**

 **i.**

"I'm Lovino."

A gravelly masculine voice snapped the attendant out of whatever reverie he was having. He teared his gaze away from the half-peeled tangerine and regarded the sudden noise. Standing on his right was a young man with an unusually (based on the limited knowledge Arthur had acquired about him, at least) soft and calm expression that looked inconceivably sincere even to the attendant who knew any better. In any case, the attendant noticed that the young man wasn't talking to him, his gaze was rather focused on the person across the attendant as he introduced himself to the quiet lad.

The said quiet lad, who recently had his attention glued to an out-of-date and unfortunately tattered book he held on his good hand, quickly fixed his gaze at the newcomer as he offered him a faint smile. Although that countenance was hardly anything new for the quiet lad, Arthur found himself being astounded at the vividness that seemed to liven Alfred's eyes as they lingered on the young man.

The quiet lad produced an indistinct hum, but Arthur had learned from past experience of attending to him that it could be interpreted as him giving his own introductions. The motion of pointing to himself helped a lot. The attendant shot back a look at the young man and was about to clarify the sound when the said young man beat him to it.

"Yeah, I know. Alfred, right?" Lovino stated, once again surprising Arthur for his understanding. It suddenly made him wonder whether the young man knew the quiet lad all along.

Alfred beamed at him and nodded his head, obviously pleased at the exchange. It's not everyday, after all, that someone could correctly interpret his sounds for the first try. Even the attendant was having a miss at times.

"I'll take care of that," the young man spoke again, though this time, he was addressing the attendant. He gave a subtle gesture at the tangerines and reached out his hand.

Arthur could only gape at him. Due to being uninitiated to their newest addition, the attendant failed to comprehend what the young man was asking of him. "Do you want some of this?" he asked, offering the young man some of the tangerine from the table nearby.

The young man scowled at him, his brows furrowing in annoyance. He was evidently not someone with a lot of patience. "No! Are you an idiot? Just give me that. You're peeling it for him, right? I'll do it instead, bastard."

The attendant blinked at him and chose to ignore the rude remarks in favor of checking on Alfred's reaction. The quiet lad was still smiling. He sent the young man a sideway glance for a moment and then gave the attendant a curt nod. Reluctantly, the attendant passed the half-peeled tangerine and stood from his seat so he could give the young man his place across from Alfred.

With wary eyes, the attendant watched on the side as the young man resumed peeling the fruit. He cleaned it thoroughly and went as far as removing all the pit of the orange fruit. The quiet lad, on the other hand, closed his forgotten but not dismissed book and settled it on his lap for later. His gaze followed the movement of the young man's deft fingers with an expression that Arthur detected as something good. When the two made eye-contact, the young man's eyes became soft once again. Gone was the scowl he displayed just a few seconds ago, so was the irritation that he had directed to their attendant.

The young man handed the quiet lad a piece of the tangerine and the latter took it with a grateful smile. Even as Alfred seemed to stare at his companion as he ate the offered fruit, the young man's mood didn't change at all. Perhaps, he didn't mind if the one scrutinizing him was the quiet lad in front of him. Or maybe, he didn't take Alfred's open stares as something unpleasant at all.

"Is it good?" the young man asked, offering him another piece after diligently removing the pit.

The quiet lad hummed in response and took another piece. However, instead of eating it, he extended his arm and offered it to the young man who didn't approve, at first, but eventually gave in at the end. He opened his mouth and accepted the fruit, causing another smile to cross the quiet lad's lips.

"I'll do it again next time," the young man announced after a while, which pleased the quiet lad even more. They seemed to have quite a good impression of each other as Alfred's eyes once again brightened at him.

Arthur realized, then, that that was the first time Lovino had initiated an interaction with anyone and that was the first time Arthur saw how wide Alfred's genuine smile could get.

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 **ii.**

Arthur had been attending to Alfred ever since he started working at the institution. He entered the facility about the same time the lad had been admitted. He was rather fond of him, to say the least, and if he was allowed to have a favorite (which he was, albeit secretly), it would be Alfred.

The quiet lad was smart, eager to learn and could be clever. From time to time, he would display his cheerful self which Arthur assumed was in his nature. His speech impediment didn't deter him from being talkative and from socializing with his fellow patients, though he talked through muffled sounds and wild hand gesture. He was obedient to Arthur and he knew how to take care of himself.

However, those times were only when the sun was shining. The quiet lad wouldn't be in the facility without a reason, after all. The facility was housing people who were either damaged beyond help or damaged and _abandoned_. Only on the rare occasions would it be both.

Alfred probably fell on the second group.

The poor kid was a former orphan before becoming a victim of child abuse. The foster parents who adopted him when he was young was apparently an abusive pair. They maltreated and battered the lad so much that he ended up with a nerve damage, permanently leaving his body partially paralyzed. He was traumatized both physiologically and mentally. And then, he was eventually engulfed by his own fears and anxieties that he lost a grasp of his sanity. Arthur could only imagined how much suffering the lad had to go through, which, seeing how kind-hearted and innocent he was, he never _ever_ deserved.

Arthur was also alone in his life, one of the reasons why Alfred had his utmost sympathy, and he decided to dedicate his time and care for the lad for as long as he could.

So now that there was this young man, Lovino, who seemed to have a soft spot exclusively for the quiet lad, Arthur couldn't help but have a mixed reaction.

He was more cautious than he was suspicious of the young man. He was still wary of him, but he often let the two of them be in each other's company because he saw how Alfred appeared to brighten up in the presence of the said young man. The quiet lad was like a kid being offered a treat when they were together and Arthur could catch a sight of his genuine smiles more than before.

At any rate, Arthur decided to watch over them with vigilant eyes. He figured it wouldn't hurt to be too alert.

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 **iii.**

Arthur was busy filing a document when he heard a familiar cry. Without wasting his time, he briskly crossed the short distance separating the office from the wards. The sound was muffled and repressed and it made the attendant quickened his pace because this was usually never a good sign. More so, it was quite a while since he heard Alfred's wail.

When he arrived at the ward which Alfred shared with four others, he saw the quiet lad on his wheelchair with tears staining his cheeks. He was slightly shaking his head and his lips were trembling a little. Across him stood Ivan, a fellow patient, who was donning a blank expression yet his eyes landed on Alfred. Arthur noticed that the larger man was hovering over him, but he couldn't tell if he was the reason behind Alfred's sudden outburst.

"Alfred!" another voice yelled outside the room. When the attendant took a glance, he saw Lovino ran past him. Within seconds, the young man was beside Alfred.

"Alfred, _shhh_ , calm down. Look at me, look at me, Alfred," Lovino consoled, trying his best to bring Alfred into focus. But even as he gripped the lad's face with both of his hands and gently nudged it, the lad didn't respond to him. This caused the young man to turn his attention to Ivan and glare at the still towering man. "What did you do to him, you bastard?!"

Arthur went closer to the three and was about to get Ivan away from them when Lovino gave the man a hard pushed, "Get away from him! You made him cry! Damn you! Don't go near him ever again, _bastardo!_ "

Ivan only stared at him, not reacting to anything even though he was pushed down on the floor. Lovino, however, was in rage. He was trashing and yelling and his shouts made Alfred's whimpers louder. Arthur came to the young man, first, and attempted to hold him back. While doing so, he shouted out for an assistance, "Antonio! Antonio, here!"

Three other attendants, including Antonio, came to his call and hurriedly move towards the patients. Antonio went to Alfred, the other one to Ivan, and the remaining one helped him tackle Lovino, who was still in the middle of wreaking havoc.

"Let me go! I'm going to kill that fucker! Let me go, you bastards!"

"Lovino, calm down. It's okay, Alfred will be okay," Arthur said, but it did nothing to ease the young man's fury. He probably couldn't hear anyone at the moment with how enraged he was.

On the other side, Antonio was wheeling Alfred out of the room and away from the commotion. The lad was still sobbing and his now quivering form only heightened Arthur's worry. He must've been shaken with the loud screams that had reverberated inside the room. The poor lad had never gotten well with screaming voices.

When Lovino caught sight of Alfred and Antonio, he pointed his anger to the attendant. "No! Where are you taking him?! Antonio, you bastard! No!" he shouted, elbowing Arthur in the process. The other attendant was luckily adept enough to hold him on one hand while his other hand was preparing an inoculation. "Alfred! Alfred! No!"

"I'm going to inject it now," the other attendant, Kiku, informed Arthur and with their combined strength, they managed to give Lovino a shot. At once, the young man was already flopping limp on their arms, his cries finally waning down.

Arthur might be accustomed to this kind of episodes since he had been employed here for longer than many others, but the fact that it still left a dreadful feeling of anxiety to him never changed. Chances were, every one of them felt the same.

After a while, Ivan was conciliated on another room and Lovino and Alfred were both sleeping on separate rooms. No one knew what made Alfred cry.

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 **iv.**

Lovino, Arthur had learned, was Antonio's distant relative, so the other attendant filled him with details of the young man's case.

Apparently, Lovino was a dope fiend in his teenage years. He got addicted and drowned himself with narcotics so much that he started to lose himself. He began acting aggressive and belligerent, even going as far as hurting his family. But when one time he almost killed his little brother for fussing over him, he came to his senses as his guilt quickly overtook him. And then, that was when he switched to severe self-harming.

Antonio said the young man tried to kill himself twice already. But that wasn't because he wanted to die, Lovino only wanted to hurt himself a lot and didn't think it would kill him. And when the brothers' parents met an unfortunate accident, Lovino completely lost it.

Because his brother was only a juvenile and thus was incapable of providing for them, he was advised to send Lovino to the facility. The younger brother was opposed at first, but Lovino, at his straight thinking that moment, convinced his brother to do it. It seemed he didn't trust himself to be left alone with his younger brother.

After being admitted, Lovino kept to himself. He wordlessly did what the doctors and attendants had told him to do, but he always looked just about to snap at everything. He was constantly angry at anyone and no one in particular, so it made sense that the other patients tried to avoid him, too. Fortuitously, he managed to control himself most of the time. And then, not less than two weeks after arriving, the day when he first approached Alfred had come.

In accordance with that, Arthur could see other patients and attendants alike testing a conversation or two with the young man. It was probably the way he interacted with Alfred that made the others curious about him, that made them want to get to know him. But Lovino, unsurprisingly, didn't respond kindly to anyone other than Alfred. Even to Antonio, the young man was still ungenerous of his attention sometimes. Other times, though, Arthur would find them conversing with each other. Only, it consisted of a lot more profanities and insults to the attendant than anything that made sense.

That said, after the particular night when Antonio took Alfred out of Lovino's sight, the young man regarded the other attendant as nothing more than an air for a couple of days, much to Antonio's great dismay.

It made Arthur think that Lovino truly cared for Alfred. He had gotten protective of the quiet lad over the past weeks and he took his time to tend to the other's necessities. Sometimes, he would feed Alfred, other times, he would help him wash up. There were also chances were Lovino would comfort Alfred when his nightmares decided to visit him. It was as if the young man took the role of being Alfred's personal attendant.

Although, Arthur knew that more than being able to tend to the lad, there was an underlying sentiment behind Lovino's intention for staying at Alfred's side.

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* * *

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 **v.**

When Arthur entered the ward to give his patients their daily dosage, he saw Lovino guarding a sleeping Alfred. For some reason, Antonio was there, as well.

"You're good at taking care of Alfred, huh?" the attendant heard Antonio mumbling softly.

"Of course I am, bastard," Lovino responded and he, too, was talking mildly. Even the ensuing obscenity was spoken in low voice so as to not disturb the quiet lad.

"And you like taking care of him, right?" Antonio put his hand on the front pocket of his uniform shirt in an easy-going manner. His tone was also light and casual, but his gaze was regarding the young man carefully as Lovino kept his attention to Alfred.

"Hm."

"But don't overdo it, okay?" this stemmed Lovino to direct a curious glare at Antonio. "Even if you don't do it, there are attendants who will."

For a moment, Arthur thought the young man would snap and yell at the other attendant as he was making that kind of expression. But Lovino handled himself calmly, he only quirked a brow to the bemused Antonio. "I don't know what you're trying to imply, but if you think I'm going to hurt him, then you're wrong," he hissed. Then, setting back his eyes down to the quiet boy, he added with something Arthur could discern as sincerity, "I would never hurt Alfred."

"That's not what I meant but that's reassuring to hear," Antonio said after a while, "you're really a good person, after all."

"Shut up, you bastard," the young man refuted while deliberately ignoring Antonio's goofy smile. When the other attendant didn't say anything more, Arthur made his way to them.

"Would you like to know his past?" he said before he could even think why he was about to disclose a patient's personal data to another patient. Perhaps, it was because Lovino was more than just a fellow patient to Alfred.

The two directed their gaze to the approaching attendant and Arthur took note of how Antonio was sending him alarming looks, but Lovino seemed like he was pondering the idea. The attendant had the impression that the young man was curious, yet he was dreading the accompanying pain that it would cause the instant he learned it.

"I..." Lovino trailed, unintentionally lowering his gaze in deep thought, "think that past is only past, even if I know what happened, I can't do anything about it. Besides, you," he shifted his glare at Arthur and spoke with seriousness in his voice which was coated with a new found resolve, "you already know about it, it's enough for me that there's one person here who knows. And anyway, it doesn't matter anymore, what's important is Alfred is here with me. He's alive and he's breathing."

The young man's little speech left a stupid grin to Antonio's face, he was like a doting parent. Consequently, it took an immense amount of load off of Arthur's shoulder. He was greatly convinced that Alfred would be more than fine in Lovino's care.

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 **vi.**

Arthur was just about to finish making his rounds when he saw Alfred on the corridor. He found this odd because at this time of the day, the quiet lad would usually situate himself in the common room to entertain himself. This went with the other patients, as well, and a couple of the attendants would also be present to supervise them.

"Alfred?" The quiet lad perked up and smiled at the attendant. He seemed to be on a considerably good mood.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to watch telly today?"

Alfred nodded and made a sound. He then smiled brightly at Arthur while gesturing at the closed-door room. When the attendant peeked at the glass opening of the door, he saw Lovino and two other attendants, the latter were both carrying worried expressions while the young man was lying unconscious on his bed.

He looked back at Alfred who was giving him an expectant look. "You're waiting for Lovino?"

Alfred nodded, his smile never faltering.

"You're going to the common room together, I suppose?"

The quiet lad hummed in response. Arthur felt disheartened to have to break the smile from the lad's face and deliver the news to him, but he couldn't very well leave him here to wait for the sleeping young man. "Why don't I go to the common room with you? Let's leave Lovino to rest for today, shall we?"

Immediately, Alfred's expression turned sullen, his brows knitting reflexively. He frowned at Arthur and shook his head while still pointing at the door. He was also making sounds that the attendant believed was a sign of refusal.

"Lovino is sleeping for now, I think he needs some rest," the attendant patiently said, but this only alarmed the quiet lad. "No, no, he's okay, Alfred. He just needs to rest, okay?"

Alfred pressed his lips into thin line, then he clutched at the fabric of Arthur's uniform, his eyes pleading at the attendant. "You want to see him?"

The quiet lad signaled an affirmative.

Concurrently, as if on cue, the knob bolted and the door opened with Kiku stepping out. "Ah, Arthur- _san_ , Alfred- _kun_ ," quite surprised with their sudden appearance, the other attendant greeted.

"I'm sorry, Kiku, it seems Alfred wants to see Lovino. Is it alright?" Arthur asked after nodding in acknowledgement.

Kiku briefly glanced back inside the room before facing the two. "He's sleeping right now but I think it's alright, Antonio- _san_ is there to watch him for a while."

With this, Alfred bucked up visibly. He impatiently commence to wheel himself inside the room so Arthur quickly held him. "Thank you, Kiku."

"Yes, I'm quite needed in the common room so I'll excuse myself," Kiku responded and silently went off.

Once inside, Arthur brought Alfred close to Lovino's bed where Antonio was already standing watch. "How was he?" Arthur tentatively questioned the other attendant, who gave them both a short nod.

"I don't know what set him off this time, but it was quite bad." The other attendant sighed, waving a hand around the room to indicate what he meant.

Arthur's inspection glided through the expanse of the room. About a few meters from the bed, he stumbled upon the evidence of Lovino's devastation. There were broken chairs, the sheets were soiled and crumpled and were pooling down on the floor, there were also few of glass shards surrounded by already shattered pieces. Some medical apparatuses that had been badly destroyed were joining the pile and on the corner, there were minimal droplets of blood. It was as if a storm had passed on that side of the room and vandalized it.

Arthur could only feel grateful that Alfred didn't pay any heed to it.

"I'm gonna call help to clean up, can Alfred stay?" he asked afterwards, vaguely hinting that Alfred would insist otherwise if denied.

"Ah yes, I'll stay here for a little longer so I can look after them. Thank you."

Arthur took a moment to observe Alfred. He went silent when they entered the room and saw Lovino, but the attendant knew he was listening to them conversing about the young man. He didn't have any idea what the quiet lad was thinking. As luck would have it, Alfred wasn't around when Lovino lost control. Who knew how gravely the lad would react if he ever witnessed the young man like that. Just thinking about it created an unnecessary worry for the attendant.

Alfred's demeanor was similar to Lovino when it came to the matters about him, even their facial expression were quite the same as they watched over each other's sleeping form. The quiet lad's eyes were glazed with worry, but they were substantially tender and kind. His good hand was also positioned to hold Lovino's, as though he was letting the young man know that Alfred was there with him. Truthfully speaking, the two of them together gave off an indeed pleasant and warm feeling.

"Alright, I'll be right back," the attendant said after sometime, he glanced back at Antonio and steadily left.

The next day, Antonio told Arthur that Alfred didn't leave Lovino's side until he woke up this morning. Since then, the attendants decided to room them together and have their beds on each other's side.

The two were overly pleased.

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 **vii.**

A sudden and long piercing cry waked Arthur with a start. Normally, there would be attendants on duty even at this time of the night, but he still took hurried steps and advanced toward the root of the sound because this particular one had the potential to set off the other patients. A surge of panic continuously ran through him. It was quite shrilling, and to say that it rattled the attendant was quite an understatement.

He soon found out that the voice belonged to Lovino, who was apparently still unconscious while screaming and weeping hard at the same time. He also fell upon three other patients that had been awaken by the sound and now were also shrieking in terror. Arthur easily distinguished Alfred as one of them.

As soon as he set foot at the ward, he instantly headed to Alfred. Antonio was initially there, trying to stir Lovino awake. Two other attendants came to assist and went over the other patients.

Antonio's attempts were useless, this much, Arthur could tell. The young man was gripping his hair in an unimaginable fright and his whole body was visibly shivering. On the other hand, Alfred started to cry in muffled wails as he glimpsed at Lovino. Strangely enough, the lad didn't show any sign of losing his restraints. He was only crying because of his concern for Lovino.

When Antonio moved to get a shot ready for Lovino, Alfred, still on Arthur's arm, darted a loud noise on the young man's direction. The attendant deduced that the lad was calling Lovino's name. He screamed as strongly as he could managed in the hope of reaching the young man's consciousness as his tears flowed nonstop.

They all thought it was futile, though, so when all of a sudden, Lovino's skirmish came to stop, every attendant was partly shocked and partly relieved.

"Alfred?" The young man opened his eyes and searched for the said lad. When he found him on the bed beside his, still crying in concern for him, Lovino didn't waste another second to go over him. "Alfred!"

His voice was raspy from all the outcries he made earlier and his eyes were still soaked with tears, but upon seeing how distress Alfred was, he quickly wrapped his arms to the lad and comforted him with all the remaining energy he could muster. Arthur, together with Antonio, could only stare in disbelief.

" _Shhh_ , don't cry. It's okay, Alfred, it's okay," Lovino gently whispered and it seemed to favorably soothe the lad.

Arthur wasn't sure if it was safe to leave the two like that, so as the other attendant led the other unsettled patients out of the room for a temporary arrangement, he and Antonio opted to stay. However, seeing as the two were completely ensconced on each other's presence, the two attendants provided some distance and granted them their privacy.

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 **viii.**

Arthur's life in the facility was like a roller coaster ride. It was unpredictable and surprising. It was like a huge wave of different moods hitting him simultaneously. He administered himself to have a strong heart and mindset, but honestly, it was hard when loud scream still awoke him at nights.

However, like he said, there where times when the sun shined even in the dimmest confines of the facility. Moments with warmth and gentle affections still graced their sorrowful place. He supposed this was the only and proper way he could describe the scene he was witnessing right now.

He didn't know what the two were doing, nor was he conscious of their previous endeavor and how did they end up being like this. But whatever it was, Arthur arbitrarily pushed it off of his mind.

In an empty dining room, Lovino and Alfred were taking shelter as they concealed themselves from the outside world. It was like they created a space that only belonged to the two of them. No one could disrupt them and no one could break them apart. It was like the bond that they shared; no one could truly understand it and no one could intrude on it.

Alfred's good hand was gently placed on Lovino's cheek, his thumb faintly caressing the cheekbone. And while Lovino was evidently leaning to the touch, his own hand was on top of Alfred's while the other was holding a single _Blue Daisy_. Arthur believed that was Alfred's favourite flower.

The attendant didn't need to see their expressions to know it. Judging from the atmosphere, he could tell that they were more positive than what he had seen so far, and that they were exclusive for the two of them alone, a personal thing that couldn't be shared with anyone. It was only for Alfred and it was only for Lovino.

Feeling lighthearted and somewhat hopeful, Arthur quietly left and made sure no one would walk in on them and disturb their transient serenity. He was glad that even behind all their grief, the two could still find contentment and fulfillment in each other's presence. After all, their life was a bitter one. It wasn't every day that the sun would shine and it wasn't every time that the flowers would bloom. Nevertheless, Arthur concluded, amidst the darkness, light could still come out.

 **...**

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I'm accepting all forms of reaction, from calm and normal to bloody and trashy, just send me a review if you have some. Thanks a lot for checking it out!

 _A/N: I've been thinking about this since forever but geh, why are my thoughts so hard to form into words? Anyway, the reason why Arthur was referring to Alfred as 'quiet lad' despite being "talkative and loud" was because of his speech impediment, it was like a metaphor._

 _Also, America, Romano and England are my top three favorites in Hetalia, with Switzerland and Veneziano following closely... Um, I just wanna try saying it._


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